Six to Eight Weeks

Let's celebrate now while there's flesh on our bones

It's May now - Children's Day is tomorrow, and I get to paint kids' faces. I'm starting to get a bit of that last-minute 'holy shit I never did this-and-this-and-this' thing, but it's not a regretful feeling. I know I've spent my time here just as I wanted. Plus I'm not gone yet, so there's still lots of time to load up on Soju and rice and random bits of pig.

So of course, in a tradition suited to both the country and ourselves, me and Ben started to drink as soon as I left work on Friday. Likewise, we went and got Galbi and Cahill met us and we escaped to the apartment for some Wii. Instead of filling a collage with tediously similar pictures, I made a short series-shot video of Cahill and Ben playing imaginary bowling.

Interest piqued by not-overly-fun Wii darts, we went to Indiana - a bar that has recently removed its electronic dartboard, unfortunately. Then off to Led Zeppelin, stopping at every claw machine along the way.

The owner invited us up to the bar itself to drink, and we got our first close-up look of the wonderful wall of vinyl. I tussled with the drunk, clueless, new bartender because she didn't know how to handle or play a record. I really can't see someone who'd put a drink on a record lasting long in a place where the owner carefully brushes cleaning oil onto a playing record with a paintbrush.

Then over at Box 86, me and Cahill caught the ear of a Liverpool lad with our unintelligible cover of Psycho Killer. He said that people who would pick up a dusty, out of tune guitar in the middle of Korea and start singing Talking Heads were fine by him.

Ben left and after we shat all manner of shit until practically daylight, me and Cahill thought ourselves out of the Box 86. Of course, then we ended up sneaking into a construction site.

We spelunked around a rebuilt apartment near my own, and eventually ended up on the roof. Sitting on the roof on a silent Saturday morning watching the sun rise was quite the spectacle. You could see all of the Sillim, with just the dull sound of delivery bikes below to blunt the mental silence of staring at the city. If that's the view I get every time I go poking about in construction sites, I'm gonna start bringing a crowbar around with me.

When we got to the ground, we made the silly choice of putting ten bucks into one of the worst claw machines in Korea. Normally, you'd expect about a lighter for every dollar you spend in one of those. We blew sixty tries on that piece of shit, and all we got was some retarded foot lighter that's not even silly enough to be cool.

Monday came around and I finally did something that didn't have anything to do with Wii, lighters, or drinking. I went around Seoul for a bit and snapped some pictures. My favourite images are from little back alleys I just found really quiet, quaint bits of Koreana.

At Namdaemun Gate they actually had traditionally-costumed, eerily stoic guards. I began to question whether they might been mannequins, but then their eyeballs pivoted about in their still heads as they noticed the big white-guy sore thumb in the sea of Koreans. I (sarcastically) wondered whether the British Royal Guards stare when they see a Korean.

Walking down my street tonight, I had one of those moments where I realized how much I'll miss this strange little place. While I don't think I'll ever live here again, I can't imagine that I'll never visit. Korea's a strange place for a vacation, but if I'm nearby, I'll have to stop by the curious country with which I shacked up for a year.

That's if I make it through the year, that is. I mean, with all the animated warnings of potential danger, you'd think Korea was a Road Runner cartoon or something.

The elevator at work has new stickers. Apparently, leaning casually, and explosive-head break-dancing are strictly prohibited. If you can't lean or break dance, how exactly are you supposed to look cool in an elevator?

Meanwhile, the Wii isn't the only Nintendo system with odd warnings for the Asian market. Caveats for this one are just a little obvious: don't drive and game, don't get it wet (or feed it after midnight?), don't set it on fire, don't eat the pen, umm... don't microwave for 3 minutes and 15 seconds, and if your eyes develop into Xs, please consult a physician immediately.

Since I'm showing images whose pictures are more effective than their words, check out this ad for a mask festival - or something or another - that was placed in the subway.


Anyone look a little out of place in this picture? Look at the expression of pure fear and confusion on those guys' faces. I have no idea how the poor bastards got there in the seventh layer of Mask Hell, but I know that they're thinking something along the lines of "What the shit is going on here?!"

But hey, if they've been in Korea for a bit, they're used to that feeling.